SENSIBLE SURROGACY

El BLOG PARA LAS FAMILIAS DE FIV

Francia facilita el acceso a la nacionalidad a niños nacidos en el extranjero a través de un vientre de alquiler.

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El gobierno socialdemócrata de Hollande ha dado un paso al frente cuando su ministra de justicia Christine Taubira ha enviado una nota a todos los altos tribunales del estado ordenando que se facilite la nacionalidad francesa a los niños, de padre francés, nacidos en el extranjero a través de subrogación.

Se acabaron los dolores de cabeza para muchas parejas tanto del mismo sexo como de hombre y mujer a la hora de poder traer a sus bebés a su país.

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Surrogacy Story: Chapter 6, Considering Altruism

Surrogacy-Pic-2Sarah is a beautiful woman, with long blondish hair, natural slightly athletic complexion, and a slim figure. She is very stylish (which is not uncommon in Spain).

Although I’ve never met her husband, Sarah has been married for 6 years.  She has no children.  All of which is why it was surprising that she offered to deliver a child for us.

She had heard of our interest in having children.  And she offered her services.

Her explanation for the offer was this: neither she nor her husband saw themselves as “parents”.  They did not want children, or the change in lifestyle that would come with a family.  But Sarah had a biological urge to undergo the process of pregnancy.

At the risk of sounding anti-feminist, I suppose many women (but not a lot of men) reach an age when they feel the need to procreate.  After all, a large part of their bodies were specifically designed for this purpose, and those muscles eventually want to be flexed.  Sarah’s machinery had been in place for 30-some years, gathering dust, sitting ready for its big moment that had never come — now she was feeling the need to throw the switch, crank the gears, and see what the machinery could do.

For Sarah, my predicament seemed a perfect opportunity.  She had a chance to exercise her full god-given capabilities, but not be bogged down afterward with 18 years of diapers, skinned knees, and staying home on a Saturday nights.

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Surrogacy Story: Chapter 5, Discovering the Path

Surrrogacy BabyIt’s 7:00 am in Barcelona, and one of my sons, Owen, is awake and teething.  His brother, Noah, is still in a fragile sleep upstairs.  I’m praying that Owen’s cries do not fully awaken his brother, and that I can avoid spending the morning with two screaming babies.

After all, this short hour is normally the only time I have to call my own, and to recount our experiences over the past year….

I remember after we heard our friends’ horror story about their surrogacy process in California, I felt a renewed interest in starting our new family.  Adoption was no longer on the table – I had given up on that option.  But Surrogacy seemed like a mine field of legal and medical problems. So I did what any would-be parent does when faced with uncertainty… I looked it up online.

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Surrogacy Story: Chapter 4, The Hard Way

Surrogacy-BabyOur friends (call them Robert and Daniel) had returned from California with two beautiful boys… and a horror story.

The couple had paid a small fortune for the surrogacy procedure.  Initially they spent $150,000 for the surrogacy.  But the children had been born prematurely and required time in the NICU.

That’s a harrowing experience to see your infant in an incubator, baked under sunlamps, drinking saline through a tube, and having air forced into his shriveled lungs.  I went through this with Owen, and it was heart wrenching.

There are no baby cries in the NICU, because none have the capacity to make noise.  How can a room filled with new life be so similar to a tomb?  The only noises are the electronic pings of the heart and lung monitors, and an occasional high-pitched alarm when one of the machines detects a stalled heartbeat or faltering breathing.  At that point you prey again for the silence. Read the rest of this entry »

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Surrogacy Story: Chapter 3, The Old Fashioned Way

Soup Kitchen

Waiting in line…

Adoption in Spain is a government-controlled industry.  There are no private adoption agencies where a young girl goes online and chooses a handsome gay couple to hand her baby over to, with the promise that they’ll provide it with a life of fabulous designer clothing and first-class travel.

In Spain, adoption is like going to the soup kitchen.  You fill out the appropriate paperwork and stand in line.  There is no alternative.   The wait is long – and we were advised it would take about 3 years.  But the Spanish government fills your time by requiring special parenting courses, psychological evaluations, marriage counseling, and more parenting classes.

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Surrogacy Story: Chapter 2, The Moment of Clarity

Bill's Moment of ClarityAbout 8 years ago, in a moment of clarity, I looked around my office cubicle and saw myself as an old man of 90 years.  Not literally – like Arthur C. Clarke – but it vividly occurred to me that someday I would be an old, old man.  And I wondered what my life would be like.  And frankly, I wasn’t impressed.

Young men have dreams of walking with giants… of carving their name in the edifice of time.  But the eventual day comes when you realize that you will not be Steve Jobs or Emmanuel Kant, and you settle into a normal, average life.  And when that happens, you think about legacies. You wonder what will be left when you finally leave this place.  Possibly even more, what will become of all the sacrifices of your parents, and their parents? Is this the inevitable culmination of your entire heritage?  Did your parents work so hard for so many years just to reach this endpoint?  All in all, it seemed so pointless. Read the rest of this entry »

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My Surrogacy Story: Chapter 1, They are Born.

This story has a happy ending.

In fact, it has two happy endings.  Meet Owen and Noah, my two sons.

Owen and Noah were born in Mumbai, India through surrogacy arranged by our agent Gaurav, and a very smart and efficient team of doctors and lawyers.

This is a long story, so I’m going to tell it one step at a time… and punctuate it with lots of photos.  I’m not always a great writer, but I’m pretty good with a camera when tasked.

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